I’ve talked about a bit of my story in previous blogs, and I will finish it today. In the sense that you know where we are now and how we got here. I say we because I include myself and my husband – we’re OK and we made it! In fact, we’re better than OK. I would not be here, just like this, if it wasn’t for him. And despite the fact that this illness (because let’s not forget people, that’s what it is!) made me think I hated him; he held on with white-knuckled, amazing, supportive, ever-changing fabulousness, and man am I grateful.
This post contains affiliate links
There’s no need to bore you with the details, the story is simple and wonderful- I told him I was ill; He listened, he came home, and he did everything in his power to keep our family together. He didn’t judge me, he didn’t use the way I had treated him as a weapon against me because he saw that no one could punish me for what I’d done more than I was punishing myself. The way I had treated him for the previous 10 months was disgraceful and coming to terms with that myself was tough.
I would cry every day, sobbing apologies into his shoulder and thanking him every moment for forgiving me. He never once used my previous behaviour as a reason to row, a weapon in an argument or a tool to manipulate me. He accepted, before I even could, that I hadn’t meant it. That the way I had been wasn’t really “me”. He understood that the person he had lived with since our daughter was born, was not the woman he married. He instinctively knew that in his bones and there is not a day that goes by when I am not grateful for my man and his indiscriminate love for me and our daughter.
The single week that we were apart ended with a conversation that would change the course of our lives. I held my hands up, not easy to do when you still feel the way PND can make you feel, and we talked. We talked for hours about what we meant to each other, about how we could change to help each other and agreed that the problems in our marriage were portioned out about 90% me and 10% him. We agreed that we could do this, there were just some ground rules that needed to be set to make sure we were doing everything possible to make each other happy. And by talking, because one of our main problems had been lack of communication, we decided what was right together and knew we could make this work.
The changes that we needed to make were simple but so effective when implemented that they are the things that saved us. Neither one of us was the driving force; we both were and that is where the mending started. Our little family just needed the basics; like a good stew we had all of the awesome ingredients but without the basics of flavour (carrots, onions and celery people!) we were falling at the first hurdles. Our carrots were communication, our onions were consideration and our celery was selfishness (because we both lacked having time to just be us, without being judged or feeling bad for wanting or needing that). And with that, and some hard work, we got there. We’re better each day…..
There is so little attention paid to the blokes during the whole baby business; it’s all about us women. And yes, to a certain extent it should be; it’s our bodies who have gone through 9 months of growing a tiny human. It’s our bits and pieces that are put through the mangle and our boobs that become the source of nourishment. It makes sense that we become the centre of attention, but lest we forget that this is as life changing, emotionally jarring and essentially traumatic to the guys as it is to us ladies. Some could argue that it’s more so, because they don’t have the months of physical gestation, the wiggling, the bladder control issues, the hot sweats and the sleepless nights that get ladies into the swing of being out of sync. Did you know that 1 in 10 new dads experience symptoms of postnatal depression? It’s not surprising really, there are no words sufficient enough to describe the shock of having a new baby!
And so that part of our story ends, there is still more to tell and I will in time. With a view to making my feelings a little less overpowering and a little more permanent, last Christmas, I thanked Paul in the only way I know how – with words.
If you want to make your own, you can visit Lucky Tusk on Etsy for a personalised print.
Please don’t forget to share this to maybe help someone somewhere! You can also grab the full story here